In our super-connected, I-can’t-be-without-my-cell-phone world, we’ve all experienced technology woes.  One day, it’s the battery in your phone.  The next day, your laptop won’t boot up and all you get is the blue screen of death.  A few months ago, I started collecting examples of a different kind of technology trouble: Jewish auto-correct.

As I do with so many other things in my life, I’m happy to share my collection of auto-corrects and spell-checker suggestions. Some are hilarious, others befuddling, and still others just plain nonsensical. I hope they’ll make you chuckle – and prompt you to share your own by adding them as comments at the bottom of this post.

Ready? Here we go!

  • When a friend was endlessly sick with a sinus infection and bronchitis, I texted her a refuah sh’leimah. What appeared on her phone? “Refuse shell.”
  • On a Friday afternoon, a friend texted me, “Shabby shalom!” That one was easy enough to figure out. But when a later text read “Taster loach,” I didn’t quite know what to make of it. I learned later that I’d done a good job with something and was (supposed to be) getting a yasher koach. Go figure.
  • Leading up to the High Holy Days, Temple Israel in Memphis posted a notice about Selichot services. Instead, the congregation wound up hosting “deli hot services.” Pastrami, anyone?
  • Once the High Holy Days were upon us, shana tova greetings morphed into “shaman toga,” Tishrei became “Fishery,” and g’mar tov wishes turned into graduate school entrance exams, appearing as “GMAT tov.” Wishing folks an easy fast with a tzom kal resulted in their receiving messages that read “Toxic kal” or, in other instances, “Thin kal.”
  • During Sukkot, the etrog became “estrogen,” and the lulav became a “lilac.”  Although the latter might suffice in a pinch, the former most certainly won’t do!
  • A few rabbis’ names fell victim to auto-correct, too. Poor Rabbi Danziger became Rabbi Danger (the latter is probably not the officiant you want at your wedding!), and one Rabbi Glickstein became Rabbi Flicks Twin. Hey, leave that twin alone!
  • Text Me Something Jewish… and Hope I Can Read It! We Jews are masters of zachor, memory. Each Shabbat we shamor v’ zachor, once each year we study Parashah Zachor, and each spring, we observe Yom HaZikaron, remembering Israel’s fallen soldiers and victims of terror. So, what happens when we text the word zachor? Ironically, we get a “savior” or a “cackle.”

Speaking of memory, don’t forget to share your own Jewish auto-corrects and spell-checker guesses. Just pop them into the comment box below so we can all have a good laugh. And next time you try to send a Jewish greeting from your cell phone, well, b’hate lace! Oh, shoot, I meant to type b’hatzlecha. Oh, forget it: Good luck!